Pappa wants mamma naked
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize