question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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