just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
