eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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