Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
