Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
