She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
