why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
