I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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