My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
