dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
