I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
