sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
