He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
