Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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