Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
