My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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