Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
