so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
