That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
