We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
