Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish you could order shots online.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize