Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
