I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
