Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
