You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
