3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
