i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
