just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you inspire me to be a worse person
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
