Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
