Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize