K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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