five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
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