im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
