It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
