anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
