Buhtt sex?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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