Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
