I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
