When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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