The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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