I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
