I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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