I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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