conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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