Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
