I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
