I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FUCK WHALES
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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