the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize