.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
