i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
handjob tips. give me some.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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