just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
