They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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