I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
