the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
