also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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