I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
