I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How naked do you want me to be?
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