im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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