Apparently you make a good broom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
