Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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