I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
