where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this is an emotional support booty call
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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