my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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