i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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