just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize