My first STD was from a foam party
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
