I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
