I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
