I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
