every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
