oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
