I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
