her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
