I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
