I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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