That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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