I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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