Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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