nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
