before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
