i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
