we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
