If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
