My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love having hate sex.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
