is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
