I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
