It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize