I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
