I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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