Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
